About this Piece

This piece is tailored towards kids that are my age, which I kept in mind throughout the whole process. I chose this audience firstly because of the students in the class and secondly because I can relate to them the most in certain ways. 

I decided to use pictures of actual text messages that I sent back and forth between my 2 instagram accounts just for this piece. That’s the reason the background is black and the text is white, to make it look more seamless if that makes sense. I did this because a lot of us use instagram. In the very beginning, the picture shows that the reader is “texting” me, Iftakar Mahamud. Not all of it is in text message form though. I wanted to keep some parts as normal paragraphs because those were the parts that I feel like I wouldn’t text about. The parts that are in text messages are the ones that I think I would probably text my friends about if the topic came up, and I did it in the way that me and my friends text.

Meaningful Moment

I came from Bangladesh when I was 5 years old. So I skipped pre-k and went straight to kindergarten. When my dad said that I would have to go to school, I locked the door and cried because I was scared.  I didn’t speak English and everyone else spoke English just fine. I was a loser, at least I felt like one. 

Once I did actually start school, I couldn’t understand any directions. Every time the teacher blabbered some nonsense, all I could do was think about my mom and how sweet home was. God I wanted to go home so bad.

She would come to pick me up at random times so I could never be fully mentally prepared. She had me follow her down the hall, then down the stairs to the third floor, then to the second floor, then to the first, then finally to the Downstairs. It felt like a journey just to get there, like the part in Squid Game where people are about to play the very first game Red Light Green Light. You see all the players climbing the staircase labyrinth that winds up this way and that way and that way and this way.

It felt like that because I never explored the school before and the building seemed bigger than it actually was since I was a kid. The players in Squid Game kept on going because there was nowhere else to go. I also had no choice but to follow this old lady.

I didn’t know the Downstairs (basement) existed in this school before. I didn’t know what would happen to me, like the players that were following the masked men. But the lady looked friendly so I didn’t scream or anything. We walked down the dimly lit hall in the Downstairs and entered a classroom. It was about a quarter the size of one of the normal classrooms. There was only one bookshelf and one small table on the side for us to use.  So they set aside a little classroom in the basement of the school for us ESL kids, they should’ve given us a room somewhere in the normal area of the school. But I didn’t care back then even though it was scary. I remember at one point, the teacher showed me 4 different pictures of waterfalls and I had to choose which one was narrow.

Each picture had a different sized waterfall and obviously, I was supposed to choose the one that was the skinniest. But at the time, I thought I could never understand something so complicated. And of course, I got it wrong. But I didn’t even try to understand it because my confidence in my English was so low that I just gave up.

I guess I just wanted to be like the other kids no matter what. I didn’t have any friends so maybe I wanted to show that kid that I’m not so different from him. I wanted to show him that I was just like him, even though I wasn’t. I just wanted to fit in.

Then there were these after school classes I would take with my older sister. They kept some students a little extra after school was over just to help them get more practice with English. Or maybe it was before school, I forgot. But nevertheless, They would put us all in a room with a bunch of computers to go on some website,  ABCMouse.com.

The website had so many different things we could learn. And the best part was all of the different games that we could play. Looking back at it, this might be where my gaming addiction started, but the games on this website were learning oriented so they weren’t a waste of time at all.

So when the teacher finally came over to our table, she politely asked me what I needed help with. And I just told her “nothing”. I could see the face of disappointment on her. Or maybe disappointment isn’t the right word. She was thinking “Really? You called me all the way over here and now you’re gonna say you don’t need anything?” 

Nowadays, I’m doing just fine. My English is okay so I don’t have to take any more ESL classes.  My fear of school that used to be a raging fire is nothing more than a spark that flickers quietly. I won’t hesitate to ask my teacher if I have a question. And my comprehension of English and learning in general is much more mature. English takes time to learn, as with anything else. I’m not perfect at English but I know no one is. And I don’t worry too much about fitting in anymore.